“Well, it’s good to do that while you still can.”
That has been the most common response to the brave and crazy nomad plan.
Each time I hear it, my eye brows raise, my lips form a thin line, and I smile in a way that makes my nostrils flare. A career involving nonverbal communication qualifies me to say that my face is trying not to sell me out…it’s trying to mask my irritation.
But why? Why does that response bother me so much? I’ve been pondering it for months and couldn’t quite noodle it out..
And then my friend, Neeley, asked me what my next blog post was going to be about and it just poured out of me….it turns out that I know exactly why it bothers me. Specifically, there are two key culprits.
- When someone says to me “while you still can”, you are automatically implying that there will come a time in my life when I can’t. Uhhhhhh…hard pass on being told what I can and cannot do. If you know me well, you know that the best way to get me to do something, is to tell me I won’t. As evidence, I submit to you that I became the head cheerleader, joined a sorority, and danced on a table in Beijing, China, all because people told me I couldn’t do that very thing…Hmph. I win.
These three examples can be backed by hundreds more because at the end of the day, I believe I am the master and commander of my own fate. Is it true? Meh, maybe not. But do I bristle at the idea that it’s not? Unquestionably. - The second reason I don’t like the response “while you still can” is that I interpret the phrase to be an assessment of my singleness, my childlessness, and my lack of large dogness…why would I infer that? Because 99% of the people who say this to me are married and/or have children and/or have big dogs. (Okay, I’ll drop the dog bit. That’s not real. But seriously, there are perks to having a dog that fits in a bag.)
The problem with this interpretation is twofold. First of all, “while you still can” implies that at some point, my life will result in me being married and having children. It’s my own life and I don’t even know if that’s how this will all go down. How could you?
My second issue with this interpretation is that you are implying that if you are married and have kids, then this wouldn’t be an option for you…this makes me sad for you, and mad for your spouse and kids. They come off as a burden – something that won’t allow you to do something you want. I’m not naïve here. I recognize that there would be different challenges and considerations if traveling with a family…but it’s not as though you must grow wings and a unicorn horn. Marriage and children do not render anyone incapable of taking action. That’s a choice you’re making. And my lack of spouse and children doesn’t minimize that this was a choice for me too.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. I will try to better control my face in the future.
Road Trip Updates
This stop was a special one. It was special because I actually used to live in the Dallas area, so coming back to the vicinity meant that I got to see some people (HEY GG!), see some sights, and eat some food I haven’t had in a long time. It was also special because I got an Airbnb just up the road from my friend Neeley and her sweet family! Neeley and I are sorority sisters (see, aren’t we glad my ex-boyfriend told me I wouldn’t go through rush?) and while I was terrified of her in college (she was just too pretty, too witty, and too hard for me to read), I now love every single second I can soak up with her and her crew.
As such, this stop involved a little less exploring and a little more home cooking, a few more Barbie dolls, and lots of practicing counting and colors. It was perfect.
Current Mileage: 3296 miles
States Stayed in So Far: Florida, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma
Foodie Shoutouts: A burger and milkshake from Braum’s, the western omelet sandwich or chicken salad sandwich at The Bagel Lady, the iced lavender latte and brisket quiche at Sloan’s and Neeley’s taco soup and meatballs. 😊
Cool Things: Goat yoga….listen, will I ever do it again? Probably not. Am I glad I can say I’ve done it once? Sure am! Did we get pooped on? Yes.
Love,
Holly
P.S. Here’s a little video recap of my time in Texas!
Greetings Holly. I am glad that you’ve started a new blog. I enjoy reading about your perspectives and adventures. (I hope this message doesn’t appear as one giant wall of text. I wrote it in another program. Then I copied and pasted it into the comment section. Sometimes the paragraph brakes get removed, depending on the website.)
If I ever tell you some form of “while you still can,” then my statement won’t be about marriage, childcare, or large animal companions. (I don’t have those things either.) I also won’t be indirectly daring you to attempt something difficult, nor won’t I question your sense of determination.
Instead, my “while you still can” would be about the inevitability of health.
The whole reason why I had to leave Florida and return to New Jersey was because of my inexplicable declined health. Inexplicable is the perfect adjective. After seven years of various examinations in both states, the doctors still don’t know what caused my problems. No illnesses. No major injuries. No parasites. No foreign objects. No allergies. No trauma. According to all available data, there is nothing wrong with me. My bizarre condition cannot even be named after me yet because they must identify the problem first.
To make matters worse….
Around 4 years ago, my eyesight declined overnight… literally overnight!
As I was driving up from Florida, I handled the roads during the daytime without any problems. Then nighttime came, and I struggled to see. Thankfully, my brother was with me, and he was able to complete our journey. I hoped that my vision would improve after a few days of rest. I hoped it as all a matter of extreme stress. NOPE! Not only was my nighttime vision difficult, but I struggled on some roads during bright, bright sun shiny days.
I wear driving glasses now which helps, but my vision is not ideal. There are roads and highways that I could drive like Lightning McQueen in my mid-20s that I now drive as slow as a Rust-Eze customer in my mid-40s. There are some paths that I completely avoid because of my reduced eyesight. This also makes it hard for me to find good employment because I cannot drive the locations (and Uber would be too expensive).
It is understandable our senses to naturally decline with age. However, my mother is a more effective driver than me, and she is in her mid-70s. If my vision is bad now, am I going to need a white cane for the blind when I’m her age? (That’s assuming I survive long enough to reach that age.)
Long story short, there are so many things that I can no longer do simply because my body randomly decided to go bad. No accidents, illnesses, injuries, or assaults. My body just decided, “Nope! I don’t do that anymore without noise, pain, and/or limitations.” I am sick. I am scared. I’ll probably get worse as time progresses. I’ve come close to dying so many times that I was happy to not have children because I wouldn’t leave behind orphans. 🙁
Holly, I am glad you are being brave & crazy “while you still can” because decline, decay, and death come for us all… and they rarely give courteous calls beforehand.
Okay. Thanks for reading my message. Keep up you brave & crazy greatness! You are immensely inspiring! XoXoX
PS: If you look at monitors and screens for long periods of time, the I recommend wearing computer glasses (if you aren’t already). Trust me!