Where I Don’t Need a Map

I use Google Maps a lot. Actually, that’s an understatement. I use Google Maps always. Even if attempting a two-mile trek in the District, I will grab my phone, open up Google, type in the destination, and let Google do the thinking. Yes, I usually know how to get where I’m going, but I can’t predict the movement of everyone else…and therein lies the problem. There are always unexpected traffic jams, new areas of construction, city-wide parades or races, and worst of the worst, the President could be on the move which means half the city is stuck.

There are too many unknowns…so Google gets the job of guiding me from Point A to Point B.

In fairness to D.C., I’ve also used Google in every other city I’ve lived (with the exception of Shanghai, where I would print out my destination address in Mandarin and hand it to a taxi driver to figure it all out). I’ve used Google everywhere except home.

Ugh. I literally just took a deep breath writing this and I need to document that this is a rough post for me. It’s delicate somehow, and I’m afraid I’m not going to get it right.

That’s probably because I can’t seem to fully sort out the relationship between myself and home. Truthfully, after a lifetime of relationships (some of which were ridiculously messy), I think my relationship with home might be the most complicated.

It’s complicated because for 18 years, I was one person. She was an okay person, I generally liked her quite a bit. There were definitely some cringe-worthy moments but all-in-all, I was a pretty big fan…it’s just that I’m not her anymore. And while you could say that I grew up or that I moved on and that that’s perfectly normal, I don’t feel like that. It feels like she’s there, in my pink cheetah print bedroom that’s untouched from high school, and if I get to close, I’ll have to swap her in for who I am now.

There’s also a general anxiety that creeps in about seeing anyone I know. This is problematic because I’m from a very rural town where the likelihood of seeing people I know is substantial. I take that back. It’s imminent. It’s that kind of rural.

And while I deeply love so many people in my hometown, I know that when they see me, they’ll see who I was. They’ll see me as the emotional (and sometimes not very approachable) head-cheerleader with a terrible driving record and some questionable taste in men and I won’t be able to control that…and I’ve worked too hard to develop the current version of myself to let that version be the final say…so somehow, it seems easier to me to stay away than to try and reconcile the two versions of myself.

The problem here is that I can’t seem to truly shake either one of them. When told I’m a city girl, I bite back that I know how to run cattle through a chute, kill a copperhead with my car, and that I’m scrappier than I look. When told I’m a country girl, I grimace, apply more lipstick, adjust my designer bag, and fight the urge to respond only in Mandarin. My response is to literally fight the accuser, while also believing I’m too dignified for that.

See? Complicated…

So when I decided to drive from Texas up to Oklahoma City, I went back-and-forth on whether I should drive through home. My last trip home was four years ago, and yet it felt like it might be too soon to go again. So, I settled on the decision to just drive quickly through town, see any changes that may have occurred, and then hit the road again. But that’s not how it went down.

With an uncontrollable muscle memory, I instinctively turned right onto East Boggy Depot Road, drove past the home of a high school best friend, the homes of three ex-boyfriends (as well as the home of a boy I always wished I’d dated), the road where I used to catch air in my Dad’s car, the spot where someone called the cops on me because I was attempting to surf on top of a moving vehicle, the church where my sister was baptized, and then, there it was…home…because here I don’t need Google Maps.

Road Trip Updates

I’ll be staying in Oklahoma City longer than any of my other stops to a) give myself time to catch my breath and b) apparently be battered by pollen-filled wind daily. I’d forgotten this part of my home state.

I was fortunate enough to overlap my time here with Heather, who came down for Graham’s first birthday, so that was amazing! I’ve also been eating some great food and seeing some great friends but this weekend, I had the immense pleasure of hosting Liz (a friend from grad school but who is from and lives in D.C.)! I actually felt a lot of pressure about making sure she had an “authentic” Oklahoma experience. As you read in my post above, I’m conflicted on what that actually means. 😊

However, I consider her weekend a monumental success because we went line-dancing, saw a bull-ride, ate southern wonderfulness, went to a rodeo, survived multiple tornado watches/warnings, visited the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial, didn’t blow away in the wind, went to an arts festival, ate at Classic 50’s, and toured the University of Oklahoma! I really think she just needs to practice the state song a few more times and then she’ll be a fully initiated Oklahoman!

I love that I have friends willing to meet me on this journey and I love that I was able to share Oklahoma with her!

Current Mileage: 3592 miles

States Stayed in So Far: Florida, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma

Foodie Shoutouts: A strawberry frosty from Classic 50’s, the savory ricotta hot cake from The Jones Assembly, and the iced vanilla lavender latte and raspberry jam from the Harvey Bakery and Kitchen

Cool Things: Line dancing at Cowboys OKC, the ‘89ers Day Ranch Rodeo, and while not necessarily “cool”, the Oklahoma City National Memorial Museum is definitely worth a visit

Love,
Holly

P.S. Here’s a little video recap of my time so far in Oklahoma!

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